your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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