it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
smell my finger.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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