I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
