Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
