What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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