speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
