Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
