Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
