I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
