Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he puts the penis in happiness.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
