:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
