I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
