I faked an abortion last night.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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