ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
