So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is wine microwaveable?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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