i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
