I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
