Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
