I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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