That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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