i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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