ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
