NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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