Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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