I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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