We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
