There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
