it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize