I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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