so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
