she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize