Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The air taste purple.
Randomize