i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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