Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
