I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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