these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You pole danced in your parka.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
