all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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