I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize