wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
