I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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