it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
