I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
