I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
