They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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