Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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