I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
