So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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