i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
