i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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