the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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