I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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