how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
