she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
