When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
