That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
