Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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