He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
