i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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