I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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