So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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