I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
