he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
