i need an iv and a liver transplant
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
